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End of July and a New Chapter

August 5, 2014

So sad. The bridal shower is over. My son and his fiancee have left for Georgia. He will move into an apartment down there. She will join him after the wedding.

I’ll see them again, but gone forever is his membership as part of our daily household. He’s messy and a pest, but he’s sunny and fun and affectionate in his own unique way. It’s so hard to forever let go of that beloved, constant presence.

My heart aches.

My son was a slob, and now he’s gone. The house feels so empty. I had longed to get rid of the mess that was a constant with him. Now it’s gone, and the result is that the house doesn’t feel clean — but empty.

There were always many shoes strewn all over the first floor; they are gone now. The kitchen table was piled with stuff; it is gone now. Junk occupied and surrounded the family room sofa; it’s no longer there.

I hadn’t had an empty bedroom in the house for years; now there is one.

I’ve been cleaning away the layers of scummy dirt all over the bathtub, shower surround, and doors. Granted, he was not the only contributor. But now even his dirt is being removed.

And the house feels empty.

Gone is the noise, the laughter, the teasing and pestering. Frankly, I loved that. I loved the sudden physical demonstrations of affection that were unique to him. They weren’t frequent, but they were precious, treasured, cherished.

One does not fully perceive the impact a beloved family member makes on one’s life until that person is gone. No one else can replace what that one brings. Each person is so unique.

I’ll get beyond this. I did with the first one who left. I’ll have to again with two more, probably one very soon. It heals. The new becomes the comfortable. I wish the adjustment would happen more quickly. Hate the pain. Miss the kid so much.

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